*taking a deep breath*
hello everyone, gosh it's been such a long time since i sat down properly and just chatted with you all. In all honesty i've been so so busy with, well.. just life in general. I don't even know where to start but i just know that i had to write this post to get a few things off my chest and just talk about what's been going on but also to update you all that my blog is no longer www.miss-holly.com and instead i've switched to a .co.uk - www.missholly.co.uk
So if your reading this post, then hello! Please leave me a comment just to let me know you arrived here safely ;)
Okay, now onto some not so good news..
I had some terrible news a couple of months ago about my grandma, on the 24th July i received a phone call from my cousin and was told my nan has cancer, to be more specific she has bowel cancer. In a way i knew it was coming because she was in so much pain and she was expected to go into hospital for a check out soon anyway..
If you didn't know, i go to Newcastle normally once a year to visit my family up there, more importantly my nan. I visited in June this year for 5 nights and my first stop was to see my nan.. I knew she hid her pain away from me, but deep down i knew something wasn't right with her. I actually only saw her once that trip which filled me with so much guilt because i didn't even get to say goodbye properly.. However after finding out about her illness i've made sure to make a bigger effort with her so i visited in August to, this time bringing my mum. At this stage she had just had her operation and we were visiting her in hospital - honestly, having your mum and your nan cry to each other was the worst thing i've ever had to witness and of course when i saw her, i cried to.
Normally my mum likes to hide things from me, i.e illness etc.. she's never really told me growing up when people were ill however when the nurses spoke to my mum about my nans operation i knew instantly something wasn't right and forced her to tell me the truth.. The nurses had told my mum that my nan still has cancer and they couldn't remove the cancer because of her age and where the cancer is located the operation would be to dangerous for her and she wouldn't make it out alive. Instead the operation was to relieve some of the pain in her stomach. So the hardest part was, to tell nan or not to tell.. My nan doesn't speak a word of English so she needed a family member or a translator around her to understand what was being said. My mum stayed with her most of the time and we visited everyday so we helped with the translations, however, my mum decided it was best not to tell my nan yet what was going on until she was well rested and started to eat properly. I think deep down my nan does know what's going on.. Plus she was a very popular person, even the nurses said.. She once had 10 family members visit her in one go, all surrounding her bedside, she loved it!
Anyway when visiting hours were over one day, we all gathered in the car park, all 10 of us and spoke about what was happening and what was going to happen. So the basic jist of the conversation was that unfortunately my nan only has a matter of time now. We're not sure how long but because the cancer is still there and spreading it's only a matter of time before she sadly leaves us..
I know i've been a bit absent on my blog for a while now, i've taken some time out to think and wasn't sure whether or not to post this but i'm hoping in a way by just talking about it, it will help.
I have been feeling so lost and hopeless lately that life has just been a massive whirlwind and i don't even know what's going on most of the time. it's been an emotional roller coster for me and my family and i've been praying everyday that she will be okay.
If you know someone who has had or has cancer i'd love to hear your story!